Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dog With Blog

Eureka! (Meaning: "I have it!", in this case a link. It will be presented at the end of this entry.)

A few days ago, my Good Old Friend, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, introduced me to another one of his many Secrets of the Internet! This particular feature is so powerful that it must under no circumstances fall into the hands of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, because with such a thing, a man such as he could do almost anything!

Thus it is that I dare not share the link to this amazing "Webpage" with you, my Dear Readers, out of fear that it might be intercepted by the intolerable Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales! But I shall describe to you now what it does! It is a most wonderous thing!

It contains few ornaments, this page, mostly just a so called "logotype" that proudly proclaims the name of the company behind this Secret Service - or at least so claims Rajeev (may I call you Rajeev?), personally I find it an odd name for a company, but who knows - after all, this is the Internet.

However, what this page does contain, is a small box where the user might enter a string of characters, such as form the words in this very text, as well as a button featuring the optimistic words "I'm feeling lucky"!

I wasn't feeling lucky at the time, rather deeply suspicious that this might lead on to a so called "computer virus", such as recently infecting the computer of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, but after grudgingly clicking on the button with my "computer mouse", I was forced to reconsider: Now, I was indeed Feeling Lucky!

Prudence forbids that I betray what site my browser landed upon that day, nor the following several times I decided to "feel lucky". However, after some time it dawned on me that this device - which was apparently capable of finding anything you are looking for on the Internet - could be used for other purposes as well!

It was thus that I set out to bring some balance to the steady stream of cat-related nonsense on the Internet to which I have been subjected as of late. It was more than evident that there was no shortage of foolishness involving cats on the Internet for anyone who would care to look. But could there - my philosopher mind shook with the realization that this could be so - would there perhaps be some sensible material out there as well, related to dogs?

With trembling hands, I entered my so called search phrase into the designated box: "Dog". I then hit the Magic Button of Luck.

And bear with me momentarily as I pass on an old tradition and gloat for a second, but what did I find, if not exactly the sort of thing that I had been hoping that I was looking for!

Yes, it is will no small pride that I present to you now my latest find on the Internet: It is....a Dog with a Blog!

As a Philosopher, it is of course tremendous fun for me, personally, to be able to bring this radically new piece of evidence to the table in respect to the age old philosophical question: What If Dogs Could Talk!

And with that, the ball, as they say, is in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

The Internet Is Made Of Cats!

The Cat Craze Continues! Who would have ever thought that the Internet would be so full of Cats?

The latest chapter in this ongoing saga of Cats and the Internet involves a tragically misled young Danish Neurolinguist by the name of William Telling Jr, who in his eagerness to contribute to the finest activity known to man, as the Famous Mr Wittgenstein once said, that is, Philosophy, instead committed the oldest fallacy known to the Art: that of Insufficient Familiarization with the Subject Matter at Hand!

Amusingly, to the learned professional, Young Mr William proposed a solution to the dilemma, as originally proposed by Mr Schrödinger, that involved modifying the number of cats in the positive direction. Ever humble, but also obeying the principles of the professional philosopher, I offered to help this young, aspiring amature with a few helpful pointers. Almost immediately I heard a "ding" that I had never heard before - it turned out to indicate that my young protoge had sent me a so called "email", soliciting for my advice in my Expert Domain - Philosophy!

It took no short amount of "emails" to set this young seeker back on the path of correctness, but now I think I have done it! At least he has revoked his ridiculous "two-cat" theory, which will allow me to sleep well at night, knowing I have done what I can to do my part to stop this terrible wave of nonsense involving the Internet and Cats!

And with that, the ball is, as they say, in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Things That Go On

It seems that Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales is in trouble again, this time over his dubious accounting practises! Apparently even his former friend, now my Good Old Friend, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, is now able to see through the facade and brings the appropriate terminology to the discussion: Crook! The word was clearly used in association with a reference to Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, leaving no room for uncertainty as to where the accusation was directed: That's right, at Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales.

In other news, My Good, Old Friend Mr Rajeev Rangarajan shares his healthy scepticism of the medical profession, remarking that for the truely stressful experience, they should try to assemble a transistor! Good Man, that Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, and not afraid to let the truth be told.

A quality he shares not only with me, but also with my other Good Old Friend on the Blog - that pearl of middle eastern wisdom, Mr or Mrs (or possibly Ms?) Lo Hoang Lai. S/he has recently produced a most impressive array of poems that all share the same feature: They are not only beautiful, but they are also very, very True!

Yes, of us four "Weblog" writers, Myself, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, Mr/Mrs/Ms Lo Hoang Lai and Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, it is certainly very easy to spot the "odd", as they say, man out! It is Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

And with that, the ball is, as they say, in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Internet Cat

I have said it before, and I will, it seems, continue to find reason to say it repeatedly again: Never, ever, under any circumstance, trust Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales in matters of cats and the Internet.

As if his earlier escapades in this gray area of the Internet had not sufficed, he has now published on his "Weblog" another picture of a cat, this time quite clearly tortured and screaming at the onlooker in twisted pain.

The cat is sleepy, suggests Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, suddenly an expert on sleepy, tortured cats!

To give Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales the faintest idea of what a cat is supposed to look like, I hearby publish the following image of a normal, healthy, happy cat.

With that, the ball is, as they say, in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales.


My Good, Old Friend, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, recently confided in my one of the Secrets of The Internet: It is a a site (I dare not share the link, lest the reproachable Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales gets hold of it and puts it to use under his own nefarious purposes), and I will tell you not more, than that it allows the trepid user to deface a portrait of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales during countless hours of endless fun!

I will share with you but one of my many masterpieces:

Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales
Myspace Glitter Graphics

I can not thank you enough for sharing with me this secret, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan - and you can remain assured that our secret is safe with me!

And with that, aha, my Good Mt Jimmy "Slim" Morales, the ball, as they say, is in your goal!

A Hand Has Been Streched

I have streched my outreached hand across the cold of cyberspace, and very possibly made some kind of connection!

Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, quite possibly a gentleman, and if it so turns out then of the finest variety, after my own taste has, it may very well turn out, responded in kind to my gesture of brotherhood and anticipation.

It so seems, though not entirely clearly so, that in his response to my reply to his comment apropos my "Weblog" post concerning his "Weblog" entry regarding his peculiar religion (which he has since renounced, on my recommendation) where, apparently, cats are considered to be the Gods of dogs, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan agrees that indeed Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales certainly did suffer from all the conditions described in my so called "Internet Poll" ("Ignorant", "Arrogant", "Smelly" and "Ugly") but that regrettably, due to Mr Rangarajan having known of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales only for two years, he was unable to properly prioritize these shortcomings of the character of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales.

Anyway, I must count this as a "Win": Welcome, Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, over to, as they say, the grassier side of the knoll!

And with THAT, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, the ball, as they say, is in your goal!

Of Cats And Dogs

Apparently my potentially good old friend (we shall have to see how this turns out) Mr Rajeev Rangarajan has started some kind of new religion where cats are the Gods of dogs. It is all very confusing, but I will wait in good patience to see if this is all not perhaps just some kind of big misunderstanding on his part.

I just wonder what Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales makes of all that - he of the many videos featuring babies and cats!

And with that, the ball, as they say, is in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Not A Virus After All

It turns out that the reason the computer of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales recently turned irresponsive, was not, as initially ignorantly speculated by Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, a so called "computer virus".

Indeed, had not Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales fallen victim to the sharp wits of the same 6 year old who later reverted the condition that he, himself, had brought upon the hapless computer - doublessly more than grateful for the break from its place at the receiving end of the pork stained typing fingers of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales - all deviously planned in detail so that he might be perceived of as the Hero of, as they say, the so called "day"?

So, not a virus. Still very funny, though.

And with that, the ball, as they say, is in your goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Jimmy "Slim" Morales Attracts Virus

Today I read a great piece of news: It seems that the computer of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales has been struck with a so called "computer virus", rendering it unresponsive and thus incapable as an instrument of delivery for the putrid ponderings of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Unfortunately it seems some unavoidably more gifted relative of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, who, unlike Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, has allegedly developed to the intellectual hights of a 6 year old and perhaps beyond, was able to rescue the computer of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, regrettably restoring it to its former, sadly depressing function in life as the bearer of the simpleton speculations of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales.

Here's to hoping that your computer catches another "cold", Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


It is with no small surprise, and a certain amount of odd pleasure, that I note how Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales takes time from his busy schedule of tireless tirading to answer perhaps his longest standing and most devestating critic of all times. He does so, of course, as befits a man of his character, by pretending he has never heard of me.

This ridiculous, so called "ad-hominem" attack I can withstand, because the weakness of that claim can only serve to emphasize my authority in the matter. What bothers me more is how Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales finds it for good to carfully avoid my many - and, yes I am sure, uncomfortable - direct questions and/or concrete demands for clarification!! A simple "Yes" or "No" would have done well, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales! Stop wriggling around the issue, like a worm around its hook!

Furthermore, is all his self-obsessed pride, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales proposes his preposterous conspiracy theory that I should have started this "Weblog" only to bring rain on his hallucinated parade!

Well, it may have stared out that way, of course, but since then I have come to discover that the Internet is Big. Very Big. Bigger, even, than the "Weblogs" of Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales and Yours Humblest! While Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales can not be expected to lessen the grip of his solid position on the throne as King of the Fools on the Internet, a new miscreant in need of more than a few of my well meaning, and always humblest, pointers and opinions has surfaced on my Internet "radar": A certain Mr Rajeev Rangarajan, with his own "Weblog", no doubt named after himself, "Under My Mango Tree".

While it has yet to be determined if he will prove as stubbornly resistant to all forms of correction as Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, he is in no short need of such help. It should therefore be completely clear to anyone, even Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales, that in no shape or form was this "Weblog" started to "discredit" only him!

Appallingly, the Internet is apparently also big enough that it contains a moving picture episode featuring a small baby and a cat! How adorable, you must think, as did I. Thus, it was so that I, against all the better knowing fibers in my body, momentarily disobeyed the very laws of logic and decency and clicked with my computer "mouse" on an Internet item provided by none other than Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Morality forbids me to retell the horrors awaiting the unsuspecting eye that followed. Suffice it to say, that you can never trust a certain Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales - not when it comes to matters of adorable babies and cats, nor ever.

And with that, the ball is, as they say, in your Goal, Mr Jimmy "Slim" Morales!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Enough is Enough

For every man there comes a time when the line must finally be drawn, and for me that man was Jimmy "Slim" Morales. I am clearly not a missionary. I would never so much as dream of imposing my opinion, however humble, on anyone who did not ask for it. But Jimmy "Slim" Morales did ask for it! He practically begs to be corrected, in all his wreckless opining about this to the left, that to the right. I am sure I need not reiterate, that the name of this so called "Weblog" is "My Humblest Opinion". How would I dare to make it otherwise? I am not one, unlike Jimmy "Slim" Morales, to voice my concern where it belongs not! Not I! But Jimmy "Slim" Morales, now he is another man, altogether.

So, Jimmy "Slim" Morales: Man Up!

This Nonsense needs to stop! As Napoleon said: "Before the little man thinks, the Great Man needs to think a head". Will you stand for these "so called" opinions that you have brought upon us all, or will you take, as Mr. Bonaparte did say, the "little man's way out"!?

The ball is now, as they say, in your goal, Mr. Jimmy "Slim" Morales.